Beyond tired: Recognizing caregiver burnout in working parents

It’s 8pm on a Wednesday, and you’re finally driving home after working a 10-hour shift then taking the kids to swim lessons. You want to listen and be present while they excitedly discuss their day but you’re tired and need quiet. You wonder how there is still traffic at 8pm and think about something quick to eat before bed. When you finally do get to lie down, racing thoughts won’t let you sleep despite the physical exhaustion.

You might call this stress, but this level of constant fatigue is a sign of burnout. Burnout in parents can look like irritability, worrying about the future and withdrawal from friends and family. It can also show up in the body with frequent headaches, muscle pain and catching every cold the kids bring home. Some parents experiencing burnout may also develop emotional numbness toward their children, leading to feelings of guilt and shame.

But there is nothing to be ashamed of because this isn’t a personal failing. It’s the predictable result of rigid work schedules, little or no paid time off and constantly increasing costs for basic needs. In addition to structural issues creating this problem, there is pervasive messaging about independence and untenable parenting ideals. People were never meant to parent in isolation, under constant economic precarity. None of this means you’re stuck. It just means the solution has to be more than a break.

While a weekend retreat or tropical vacation may sound appealing, they are often out of reach. Even when you do get to take a vacation you might find yourself quickly falling back into the same thoughts and feelings because vacationing can’t address what is actually driving the exhaustion. Therapy can provide a nonjudgmental space to talk candidly about your burdens and hopes. It can also offer practical tools specific to your experiences.

You don’t have to carry this alone.  Whenever you’re ready to reach out (no pressure or urgency) we can have a brief consultation call.